::: Kolam Baldi Panglima

Ini dia.. Budak kecik yang aku gelarkan sebagai si Panglima. Baru 5 tahun kalah tak silap.

Sungguh nakal sampai boleh buat jiwa jadi gila. Tapi bila fikir-fikir balik, kerenah itulah yang buat kami semua rasa gembira. Hidup happy penuh memory. Aiseh..

Hujung minggu sebelum menjelang tahun baru, si Panglima terkedek-kedek datang menyerang aku yang tengah layan mata stim depan TV. Selang beberapa minit, dia mengamuk kat aku - sebabnya aku tak kasi dia pinjam Samsung Tablet aku. Katanya dia nak bercakap dengan si Talking Tom yang bodoh kat dalam tu! Bazir battery Tablet aku je! Blwekkk!

Lepas tu aku halau dia, suh pi main jauh-jauh. Rupa-rupanya dia lari tak jauh mana! Cis! Stop kat car porch depan rumah kitorang, menyebok dekat ayah aku pulak. Ayah aku tengah layan cuci kereta lama kitorang. Si Panglima apa lagi, terus bukak segala baju. Yang tinggal cuma 'seluar katak'nya~

Tolong sental tayar kereta tak sampai 10 saat, selebihnya si Panglima gembira bersama baldinya. Dok 'menyelam' tak ingat dunia. Serupa snorkelling pun ada. Bezanya tak perlu bawa tangki oxygen.

Aku suruh posing, dia tetap layan juga! Hahahahaha walaupun tadi aku ni lah yang halau dia! Oh damn. Aku rindu budak Panglima!

| Kids are always happy!!! |

::: 5 Jan Was My Birthday

dalam post yg akan datang, aku akan story pasal budak yang seorang ni!

And 5 January had passed so quickly :)

5 January, used to be my most awaited day in the year. But it was no longer as such anymore. Kenapa? Entah. Mungkin umur dah meningkat - memasuki suku kedua bagi satu abad. 26 years old. Amazingly unbelievable. Sangat muda kan?? Gosh. And I am getting younger!~ Yeha!!!

For me, there is nothing to hide about my age. Maybe not for the time being. Tak tau lah kot-kot nanti bile aku dah cecah 30 tahun, aku akan mula berahsia pasal umur aku. Jadi better korang jangan lose count of my age. Ingat! 2011, I am 26 years old!!!! Hahahahaha.



Bagi aku, aging is a really tiring but enjoyable process. I shall be proud of aging - because as year passes by everyyear, I gain extra 'years old', i gain extra maturity, i gain extra experience, i gain extra everything!

Nonetheless, for this increasing age that I go through, firstly I praise upon Allah S.W.T atas usia yang Dia bagi pada aku setakat ni. Masih lagi aku bernyawa :) Masih lagi aku menyedut Oxygen kurang tepu yang semakin dihiasi debu-debu kotaraya. Alhamdulillah.

The two persons to whom I should be extremely thankful are my parents. Tanpa diorang, aku tak lahir kat dunia ni. Tak merasa segala-galanya - melihat langit biru bertukar mendung, melihat laut biru bertukar kelabu. Heh.

Tanpa kasih sayang dan bimbingan diorang, aku tak sampai ke tahap sekarang. For all those years - of love, hardship, courage, support and endless taught, I am so proud to be your daughter! You two are the most amazing and patience persons in my life. With my stubborn and rough attitude, I guess you are so used to that. Sorry for all the trouble, for all the sadness and for all the wasted time, money and energy that I have caused along these 25 years. And please don't stop loving, caring for and teaching me. In this journey of life, there is no one that I could have maximum trust on, except the two of you. Seriously, now I really know that life is not in any way cruel and unfair, but the people in the life are..~ Mom and Dad, I love you so much!

Next, of course I should be thankful to my only eldest Abang Ejan yang dah pun got married last year with Kak Ida (well hopefully tak lama lagi they will become parents too! yey!) Dari lahir, Abang lah kawan, Abanga lah lawan. Lawan bertekak memang dah selalu. Dah kata 2 beradik je. Nak gaduh dengan sapa lagi kalau bukan dia. Hikhik~ Tapi semenjak semakin meningkat dewasa ni, kami dah memang tak pernah berlawan suara. Kalau ada yang tak sependapat pun, akan dibawa berbincang secara matang. Waaa weeeeee~ Kami are quite well behaved now kan? :)

Incik Macha juga aku takkan lupa. Even kami baru mula dan masih lagi untuk mengenali hati budi masing-masing (for about 1 year plus now,) we have been through quite a lot. He brought joy and happiness into my life. He brought me sadness and sorrow too. Hahahaha. Ada balance di situ bukan? Well, itulah kehidupan. Tanpa dugaan dalam sesuatu hubungan, kita takkan belajar apa-apa. Anyway, he haven't bring me any Tiffany ring yet. Menunggu aku habis study maybe. Lol. Kidding je Macha~ :p

And to friends yang buat that small surprise at midnight before 5th January - Anis Suhana, Anis Sya, CT K, Sya, Nads dan Ika, thank you so much girls! Small but really surprising. I was busy doing my presentation slides, when I heard a loud group of people singing Birthday song and bringing a big Secret Recipe cake into my room. Oh touching. Saya budak tua yang diraikan oleh adik-adik yang begitu muda. Hik~ Thank you so much all my darlings friends!!!

Last but not least, thanks to all my dearest family members and friends yang bertubi-tubi memenuhkan wall facebook aku, inbox handphone, message kat YM as well as email. Thank you for your thoughts, guys and girls. You rock! I rock! We rock!

Ok sekian. (Maaf takde perenggan kesimpulan atau penutup. Ini break emergency namanya! hahahaha)


| To myself, Happy 26th Birthday. Keep on rocking baby! |

::: New Year 2011

4 hari dah dalam 2011. Kira masih 'new' lagi kan? Too many things to tell! Damn it! Perhaps I should return back to my normal hobby, of writing to story tell everyday. But 24 hours never seem enough. Greedy human beings kan! I know I know, I am one of them~

Lagipun banyak 'hati-hati' yang sudi membaca di sini yang perlu aku jaga. Dalam diam aku tahu kehadiran mereka walau mereka cuma diam seribu bahasa. Kadang-kadang ada banyak yang ingin dicoret, diluah dan dicerita, tetapi kehendak itu semua tersekat dek kerana takut ada hati yang terguris dengan bait-bait kata yang aku selalu lontar secara terbuka.. Hidup. Ada masa perlu juga untuk beralah - dari apa sahaja segi.

By the way, new year comes as usual. Yippi! Awal Muharram passed by earlier, if you guys ever want to realize that. Hihihi. Bazzinga!

2010. Too many stories, too much memories. Aku bersyukur atas setiap yang terjadi. Semua memang telah termaktub dalam diari takdir kita. Kita cuma hamba. Bersujud pada Dia pohon semua berjalan lancar tetapi apalah erti dunia tanpa dugaan melintas sekali sekala. Alhamdulillah. Usia kita masih dipanjangkan - mampu lagi melihat bunga api dum dam dum dam di malam tahun baru. Oh, malam Awal Muharam korang buat apa? Double bazzinga~ :)

Yang pergi jangan diduka, tetapi jangan juga ia dilupa.
Yang datang hiasi dengan cita-cita, tetapi jangan juga ia terlalu dipuja.
Because life is all about balance. BALANCE and BALANCE!

Azam tahun baru? Well I actually never have a proper listed azam. I just wish I could be someone better everyday, thus I have a new azam each day. Again, I am quite greedy in my own way.

Baru masuk tahun baru, dah macam-macam cerita. Kelakar, gembira, sayu, pilu. Hidup oh hidup. Terus sahaja berwarna warni. Biar aku punya cerita yang satu hari aku bangga mau kabar pada semua. Jatuh bangun. Cekal tabah. Lumrah.

Haa azam untuk ketika ini. STOP WRITING - Checked!

| Tomorrow I am another year older. Oh Allah, shower me with your blessings. And shower all people around me with countless blessings too. I dont want to be extraordinary. I dont want to be special to everyone. It is enough if there is at least someone who makes me be the 'special' in that someone's heart. |

::: Alas (English, Not Malay)

The above title is in English. What a day. I hate today. Today only. Seriously, I hate. Not forget to mention, I hate today too! Damn it, today is full of hatred~! *sigh*

Ok ok ok. Let it go.

Wonderful life. Indeed. When I said wonderful, it doesn't mean perfect. Wonderful for its balance of good and bad, of happiness and sorrow, of success and failure.

I have been surrounded by various types of people. Ranging from the very human to the very alien. Ranging from the brilliantly-genius-plus-awesome-plus-damn-wealthy people to the most-foolish-plus-annoying-plus-desperate-plus-alienated ones. Gosh, two extremities that really amazed me.

2010 is coming to its end. Colourful experience. Black and white. Dark and bright. Evolution and resolution. Not to deny, there are things that I still cannot let go. Few things. I tried, still trying, and will keep on trying. Very few things. When I think about it, about them, about him, about her, about us, I feel my heart is torn apart.



But I keep on telling myself, I must be strong, I must move forward, I must think ahead.

Great life. Bright future. Who doesn't wish and pray for it? Who doesn't long and work for it? It has been 25 years of great opportunity. 25 years of metabolising oxygen and consuming energy. What a tiring cycle. A quarter of a century. Unbelievable. I am a quarter of a century old! Damn it!

Several more days before I turn another year older. And when that day comes, I will reveal another story.


| I am not in any way special :( |

::: Back To Back

2010 hampir ke penghujung. Oh no, this is not the end of this year's posting. I just feel like writing something. Rather than sitting and waiting for nothing.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

From abroad, I returned to my homeland. Big issues. No one could understand the actual reason(s) of me reaching such decision. Not even my parents. Not even any single living thing. I've finally decided that I will only let Allah share this true story with me.

Let it be. Because it hurts too much to let other human beings trying to understand without further arguing and finger pointing. Yes, it hurts. Just to let you know - if you really have the concern anyway.

Before, I thought 2008 was the worst nightmare. And then I prayed that nothing worst than those will ever occur again in my life. But no. This year has worse than those. Well, as the typical saying goes 'kita hanya merancang, segala ketentuan letaknya pada Tuhan'. Bersyukur kerana aku masih punya segala. Iman. Akal. Jiwa. Nafas. Keluarga. Kasih. Teman.

Allahuakbar serta lafaz Alhamdulillah aku panjatkan. Atas segala kekuatan dari Tuhan. Rangsangan dari keluarga, juga Macha dan teman-teman yang setia.

Kerana kamu-kamu semualah aku masih meneruskan baki-baki impian yang ada ini. Biar jalan makin jauh, biar aku makin jenuh, biar aku tak henti mengeluh. Tapi kaki ini akan terus pergi. Pergi mencari definisi diri. Membina hakikat sebuah mimpi.

I have made myself promised. Di penghujung setiap tahun, akan aku duduk bersendiri tika lewat malam tiba. Mencari tenang dalam sunyi.

Counting all the blessings and embracing all the memories. Be it good, be it bad. All of them are my precious experience. That teach me how to live my life in a better way.

Yes, I am still not a good person, to everyone or to anyone, but at least I know I never stop learning.



| it is not easy to be me |

::: We Are Growing Up Too Fast

Parents. Yup I know I am not entitled to speak on their behalf. But I am quite certain, that some parents wish that their children are not growing up too fast.

Here is just my 2 pennies worth, about what might they keep silently within their deepest loving hearts. Hearts of the parents.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

When we were little, we hug them, we kiss them, we hold their hands.
When we were little, they comb our hair, put our clothes on, kiss us good night at bedtime.

Now that we called ourselves as grown ups. We tell them that we know how to manage our own lives. We tell them that they do not have to worry about us anymore. Impossibly possible, they won't stop worrying because it is not pure worry that they are having. But trust me, it is some sort of parents-towards-children jealousy.

Jealous that we are not always by their side and sight anymore. Jealous that we are no longer spending more time with them compared to with our friends. Jealous that we could talk for so many hours with our friends but conversely would only call them maybe just once in a month.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

The journey of years seem quite fast. Indeed too fast for them to catch up with us.

When we went to primary school, they would be waiting for us to come home safely from school. And they were so keen to ask and listen to whatever we rumbled - even about stupid stuffs we had learned in classroom - like making a snake with stupid sticky plasticine!

Then came moments from secondary school. We spent more time with friends, yet they knew we need some freedom to experience the true world. Worried of whatever could hurt us while we were not in front of their eyes, they just had to let us go. With trust that they hope we could value.

College and university. We went far. Sometimes too far across the seas. We only called when we think necessary. Other time, we said we were too busy with classes and assignments. Yes, true. But how about the countless time we spent with friends, girlfriend(s), boyfriend(s) or even strangers? We could chat for hours with friends, but not a single minute everyday to call our parents to at least ask what did they have for dinner?

How about after our marriage later? So certain that we will have our own family, our own career, and our own all-those-that-our-parents-have-too. We will be a living on our own. Managing our own financial matters. Managing our own personal privacy and responsibilities.

Far. Far. And too far.

And then, there will be moments that we have our own children! Hooray! Don't be to excited buddy.. This will be the time that we discover how our parents felt along those years of us growing up. And the cycle continues... :)

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Those are the origin of our parents' jealousy. Believe me or not, you should go ask you parents. Politely, I mean! Have they ever got that sort of jealousy towards any of their children? Not even a slightest? Ask them again and again until they admit the hard truth...

Then only you can trust me that our parents, sometimes, do wish that we are not growing up too fast. How they wish that we are always the small kids - who they can always hug, kiss, comb the hair, put the clothes on, and read bedtime stories to.

How they wish that we are not growing up too fast.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Oh Allah, I am very grateful that you give me the most caring parents that I could wish for. I will never ask for more. Their unconditional love, their patience, their guidance and their lives, are all dedicated to their children. Through ups and downs, they are always there.

Even words cannot describe it best, my love for them is nevertheless endless. Even such three words I rarely say, but You know deeply, how much I love them.

For that I beg you Allah, please shower my parents with your blessings, in all aspects, in here and in the hereafter. Amin.

| ini hakikat hidup. pahit ada. manis merata. |

::: Tidak Mungkin Ada Lagi Seperti Dulu

Sekali lagi dalam susur gelap hari
Terjentik hujung khilaf dan tersebar segala dengki
Entah apa ada pada jiwa gundah
Manusia ini terus bersuara dengan payah
Berbaki anyaman hati seorang hamba
Melakar manis bibir pada bicara cuma

Tidak mungkin ada lagi seperti dulu
Sebelum semuanya bercorak kelabu
Ada warna pelangi yang menghiasi
Gelap hari tak pernah mengerti
Mengapa perlu dia datang
Adakah kerana pelangi mau pulang?

Benar, jika datang sekumpulan gagak
Membawa tiada apa cuma sesak
Pasti kamu tak pernah mengeluh
Kerana pada kamu gagak itu tetamu penuh
Dilayan umpama si gagak membawa mutiara
Waima tiada apa dibawanya tetapi binasa

Tapi bait-bait aku yang disusun indah penuh kasih
Tuturlah selembut mana hingga lidah berselisih
Kamu renung kosong penuh murka
Umpama aku bawa nestapa belaka
Seraya aku mau pergi jauh
Simpan baris-baris bahagia dulu di jasad tubuh

Kerana tidak mungkin ada lagi seperti dulu
Semalam itu cuma bayangan
Hari ini cuma kiasan
Esok cuma tinggal harapan


| alah bisa tegal biasa |

::: I Come In Peace,,, NOT!!

Mujur la kan.. Only this time!

Incik Macha kata tak suka. Ok fine aku sudah delete tapi bukan kerana simpati atau belas pada engkau! Dalam hati akan aku simpan rasa dendam ini, sampai mati! Itu janji aku!

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Samsung Galaxy Tab semakin mendapat sambutan. Promo promo. Siap ada budak-budak kata mau angkat sebijik juga. Haaa hah! Cer citer cer citer! Well, semakin ramai yang sudi menjadi monyet, beruk, orang utan serta jebon.. Incik Macha, iPod anda apa kabarnya?

By the way, lagi 3 minggu posting O&G habis. Maka selepas itu akan bermula perang End of Posting Examination. Alhamdulillah so far I passed all the previous postings. Hope this new journey is as smooth as such till the end. Nonetheless, Allah for sure will test me here and there. But for that I am very grateful - it shows that He still remember me.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Oh Abang oh Kakak. Cepat-cepatlah dapat baby....




| Sheldon, i want! |

::: Ini Gym Ataupun....?

Tell me what will you call this place?


| ini rumah hantuuuuuuuu!! |

::: It Is Annoying...

...to see a lady, perhaps a grown-up lady matured enough to be called a mommy, whine about LOVE almost ALL the time on Facebook. Damn you Facebook!

Good Lord.

Yes we know you are a lady with heart full of love, beauty and optimism. But please, STOP making such 'announcement' about what you feel about love and life, and how your love and life go around.

Goodness sake, you think all Facebook users are dumb as such that we cannot read in between the lines? Certainly we know you are seeking for some degree of attention there, perhaps from the guys especially? Or are you waiting for the 'prince charming', to whom you always meant them to, to grab the not-so-twisted meaning and send you some warmth of concern?

Gosh. And euwww..~ Fuck me for reading them too! Biatch!




| move on, you MOMMY!! |