24 December 2010

::: Back To Back

2010 hampir ke penghujung. Oh no, this is not the end of this year's posting. I just feel like writing something. Rather than sitting and waiting for nothing.


From abroad, I returned to my homeland. Big issues. No one could understand the actual reason(s) of me reaching such decision. Not even my parents. Not even any single living thing. I've finally decided that I will only let Allah share this true story with me.

Let it be. Because it hurts too much to let other human beings trying to understand without further arguing and finger pointing. Yes, it hurts. Just to let you know - if you really have the concern anyway.

Before, I thought 2008 was the worst nightmare. And then I prayed that nothing worst than those will ever occur again in my life. But no. This year has worse than those. Well, as the typical saying goes 'kita hanya merancang, segala ketentuan letaknya pada Tuhan'. Bersyukur kerana aku masih punya segala. Iman. Akal. Jiwa. Nafas. Keluarga. Kasih. Teman.

Allahuakbar serta lafaz Alhamdulillah aku panjatkan. Atas segala kekuatan dari Tuhan. Rangsangan dari keluarga, juga Macha dan teman-teman yang setia.

Kerana kamu-kamu semualah aku masih meneruskan baki-baki impian yang ada ini. Biar jalan makin jauh, biar aku makin jenuh, biar aku tak henti mengeluh. Tapi kaki ini akan terus pergi. Pergi mencari definisi diri. Membina hakikat sebuah mimpi.

I have made myself promised. Di penghujung setiap tahun, akan aku duduk bersendiri tika lewat malam tiba. Mencari tenang dalam sunyi.

Counting all the blessings and embracing all the memories. Be it good, be it bad. All of them are my precious experience. That teach me how to live my life in a better way.

Yes, I am still not a good person, to everyone or to anyone, but at least I know I never stop learning.


| it is not easy to be me |