::: Tired

There are times..
I am just too tired..

- of being nice
- of being responsible
- of being friendly
- of being detailed
- of being helpful
- of being hopeful
- of being everything

That I can
- for my patients
- for my career
- for my future

Because I have missed and will further miss
- countless hours of my sleep
- hundreds of my loved ones' weddings
- hundreds episodes of my favourite tv shows
- thousands moments of my family gathering
- many opportunities to meet someone new

Just to care for some ill strangers

But one thing keeps me moving
Keeps me smiling
Is what I hold deep within 

"WHAT IF THOSE LYING THERE SICKLY..

ARE MY PARENTS, MY FAMILY, OR MY FRIENDS?"

I shall be thinking

"Would the doctor be
- nice
- responsible
- friendly
- detailed
- helpful
- hopeful
- and everything that is positive?"

+++++++++++++++++++++++++

3 minggu lepas, aku oncall EOD. Sikit lagi nak jadi gila. Setiap oncall pulak jonahnya Masha-Allah. Melampau-lampau. Selalunya oncall aku 60% cold.

Tapi minggu tu entah kenapala semua oncalls aku panas membara. Admissions tak henti-henti. Emergency OT sampai ada 14 open appendicectomies. Tak termasuk case laparotomies lagi.

That week, my total hours of sleep hanya 15jam. Hebat. Mata jadi panda.

Hari terakhir postcall, boleh pulak aku tertidur masa driving, Mak Jemah oi.. Sedar-sedar dah accident. Kesian. Dengan jujur aku cakap kat mamat tu "Sorry. Saya tertidur masa driving. Penat".

Gamaknya dia kesian. Or terkejut? Tengok muka persis katak aku. Yg berminyak tak bermaya. Pucat. Lepas 4 hari oncall sepanjang minggu.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++

My boys are both so lovely. I will love you till Jannah. InshaAllah. Semua ini memang sekadar pinjaman Allah. Tapi cukup. Aku syukur sebab sempat merasa. Disayang dan menyayang =)

| jonahness continues |