Nasi Kandar, Mizi Wahid dan Cox Bazaar

I just had a plate of nasi kandar. And 30mins post prandial, tadaaaaa~ I became the sleepyhead looking confused in front of my desktop. Then here I am, trying to wash it off. Looks like I am gonna failed this mission soon too.

Is it too much MSG? Or too much happiness from a plate full of carbs that lead to all of this? I am confused myself. Nonetheless, bersyukur lah nak oiiii. Jiran sebelah tu makan tulang je gamaknya.

I work so much better on an empty tummy earlier on. Got nearly quarter of the workloads done. And now, I am at the risk of not getting anything further. Alahai la nasi kandar.

See, merapu.

Anyway, I ordered the latest book by Mizi Wahid, Grieving with God (non-fiction) last week. Hope it reach me soon because this soul is tired and needing some new kick on the frontal lobe. I tried getting back to brisk walking, running and weight lifting. Those seem blunt lately, with unpredictable weather especially in the late noon. I cant do those inside - there is no joy of adrenaline within any confined walls. I need the charming carpets of cloud and sun light, mixed with carbon monoxide exhaled from humans lungs. Those are the happy mixture of good adrenaline combating the cortisol splurge.

Trash note ahead. 

A friend called for a meet up during Sepang MotoGP which gonna happen sometimes this October. He handsomely offered the grandstand premium seat along with the other old friends. Sadly, those dates are blocked for my department in view of major exam happening during that period of time. Orang lain exam, kita la kena kerah kerja sampai lunyai. Dunia kapitalis. Begitulah. Mehhhh.. So goodbye to that sponsored ticket. Ariezabohari is sad, sadder and saddest.. That could be my first ever MotoGP in attendance. Melepas.

Kutupalong Cox Bazaar Refugee Camp. 2018.

Out of the sudden, I am now thinking about this humanitarian mission that I joined 6-7 years ago. I miss those days. Being selfless, feeling tiny and inspired by those activists all around the globe. Offering nothing major, other than some act of services, humanity and hope.

The same NGO called me for some flood rescue mission few years back, but I had to turn it down because it clashed with work commitments. Banjir kat Kelantan haritu pun ada satu NGO opened seat to volunteer, but I was really not at my best. Said no from the very beginning. Nak offer diri pegi G---, memang agak mustahil di situ, unless kita ni is someone well known di mata pihak aktivis kebangsaan or the kementerian. Hence, kita buat la kat peringkat yang kita mampu je ye.. Semoga peluang banyak datang bergolek kembali. Ariezabohari needs those grounding moments back. To remind me to always be thankful, because no matter how low I feel, there are lots of other people who suffer worse than me. Apalah sangat dengan secalit kesusahan yang kita rasa kadang-kala ni kan..

Maka nikmat Tuhan yang manakah yang ingin engkau dustakan? Surah Ar-Rahman.

Ok dah la. From nasi kandar, to Cox Bazaar. Kau rasa? Train of thoughts ni memang random betul.

~ semoga yang tertindas, Allah pelihara, dan mereka baik-baik sahaja ~

Never Halfway

 ~ i love like home ~

Korban

The end of the Hijri year is near. Then comes Awal Muharam. Sekelip mata, dah masuk Jun. Half of a year is gone. What have I achieve? Entah. Seolahnya tiada apa-apa. But seeing things on a bigger picture, I have achieved a lot inshaAllah. I am far from perfect, but I make do with my own selfless little victories - unspoken, unseen. Less people involved, less drama. Biasalah, ada hari naik turunnya. And today, I choose to embrace the stillness.

Penuh sana sini video perihal korban. Kadang-kadang, muncul rasa rimas dengan semua hal pun yang ingin di'konten'kan. Tetapi, begitulah kehidupan. Masing-masing dengan cara masing-masing. You do you. Semoga semuanya yang baik-baik kita boleh raikan bersama-sama. 

Tak guna being too judgmental and critical. Many times you see others and label them as 'melebih-lebih'. Sikit-sikit nak rasa menyampah. As if semua nak tunjuk bijak dan pandai masing-masing. Humble bragging. Well, we tend to be that judgemental prick inside our own quiet thought.

But, you think others dont see you as the same too? Celebrate each others' strengths and weaknesses, selagi tidak melanggar hukum syarak.

Nonetheless, social media is playing big part in evolution - of acceptance, of normality, of the bare minimum, in each and every aspects of life. 

Sama jugak dengan ibadah korban. Ada yang terlalu memberatkan, ada yang terlalu meringankan. Yet again, kadang-kadang kita lupa, ibadah itu luas konsepnya. But dont get too naive, nor too contemporary on this faith. The base of the belief shall remain unshaken. Bezanya cuma diaplikasikan bagaimana.

Jadi, apa 'Ismail'mu kali ini? 

Tidak semudah itu untuk dituliskan.

~ silence in itself is a loud answer ~

Eid Mubarak

Selamat Hari Raya Aidiladha kawan-kawan.

Selamat berkorban jiwa dan raga, mencari jalan redha Allah.. 

Be safe wherever you are! 🤍

~ Eid Mubarak ~

Kamu

Celebrating shortcomings.

Is everything getting easier?

Maybe? No? Never? Im not sure myself either.

Random nights bring random thoughts.

The what ifs.

The why me.

The am I not worth the fight.

The least I could do is pray

- for those that I love

- and for those that love me.

May the old stories flourish me inside.

Being the better person.

Realizing humans are intentional in every decisions.

So let me be too.

Being more intentional.

Of the word I utter.

Of the action I show.

Of the pray I hum.

Of the love I shower.

Because, like it or not, all of us are seeking for validation.

Quietly seeking for the ultimate validation.

That we are worthy at someones eyes.

🌹

~ semoga yang baik-baik saja untuk kamu ~

Tiramisu-ed

I should have overbeat the mascarpone cheese + whipping cream a little bit so it could be slightly lighter textured. Should have arrange ladyfingers denser (dont blame me, coz they always sold out in physical store!), buy better cocoa powder and use stronger espresso.. But still, sedap do'oh...!

My love for burnt cheesecake is always way bigger than for tiramisu.

I need another vacation, I guess. Tiberrrr.. 🤣🤣🤣

Jom la carik ticket balik Leicester. Boleh singgah beli luggage bags gila best and ringan kat Primark.

~ ngehehehehe ~

Tiramisu

Not sure why there is a sudden hype of tiramisu lately in the country. I made few rounds a couple of years back when they werent as highly spoken.

So to celebrate my anxious weekend, I made the classic original tiramisu earlier tonight. Mascarpone cheese was already in the fridge for 2 months long (nampak tak berapa lama cita-cita tu dah ada, namun kerajinan tu tak berapa nak ada...). And ladyfinger biscuits were sold out almost everywhere. Had to order online a week earlier.

Now the 3 containers are chilling in the chiller. Semoga esok eloklah kejadian tiramisu tu semua. Nak? Meh la datang rumah.. 😜

Well, on a side note, long weekend isnt as long to me because having have to oncalls in between the stretch. Sed. Sedder. Seddest.

Begitulah kehidupan. Tak kerja, tak dapat beli mascarpone cheese. If pakai cream cheese, nanti tak cukup puas hati. Dilema seorang saya yang tidak berapa nak berada tetapi FOMO.. 😅

~ hard luck, kesian ~

Zulhijjah

Begging for His forgiveness. For all the dumbest immoral things I ever did, intentionally or unintentionally. To myself or to anybody. Alone or with anybody.

May Allah wipe away all my sins. There are so many things and people I wish I never know or meet or experience. It is what it is, life lessons and such, but this regret is always gonna haunt. May I deserve Allah's mercy. The journey may be long, but I pray that He gives me consistency and contentment.

To everyone who is struggling, Allah is always near, closer than our own jugular veins.

And may one day, Allah invites us to perfom Hajj too.

Selamat berpuasa kawan-kawan.. dan selamat meningkatkan amal.. 🤍

You know who you are. I miss you too. Sending unspoken prayers. May things go well on your side.

💐 nah bunga

~ a year before, and a year ahead ~

Chicky Interior

This place was cozy. Love the classy tiles colour, combines with few wooden benches, corners and angles. Oh what is there to not like about patterns on patterns.

And look at theat ceiling! If only I can get this kind of ceiling at an affordable price for my landing area or master bedroom. I already have the design ready in my mind. Ngehehehe. Talking about mentally prepared.

~ manifesting, who knows money will really fall from the sky ~

In Our Moment

When all want to be seen

You can together be invisible with me

When all want to be recognized

You can live the mediocrity with me

When all want to be up high 

You can always hit low with me

When all want infinity

You and I can just take one step at a time

Because infinity is not always promised

You and me, lets just cherish being silly

Lets us live this moment

Because tomorrow is not guaranteed

~ soft and gentle ~