::: Nikmat Yang Didustakan

Ingat 5 perkara
Sebelum 5 perkara

MashaAllah this sentence itself is beyond haunting

Setiap kesakitan datangnya dari Allah
Untuk mengingatkan aku tentang dosa
Tentang mati
Tentang neraka

Harap-harap Allah pelihara
Daripada segala kemungkaran

Tidak dia menguji
Sesuatu yang tidak mampu aku tempuhi


| la tahzan |

::: The Colours

Life aint just black and white.

Neither it is just rainbows and candies.

++++++++++++++++++++

Cant wait for next January.

Hello clouds, wish me well and happy.

++++++++++++++++++++

Maybe we shall change our aim.

Not just to travel abroad once or twice every year.

Lets aim for Umrah every one or two years. 

Shall we?

++++++++++++++++++++

Holy Land. MashaAllah. 

It is beyond inifinite peace. Tak boleh digambarkan sekadar dengan kata-kata.

You have to go there yourself to experience all these unexplainable emotions.

Mencium hajar aswad, solat di Rawdah. 

Tiada sedetik pun bimbang perihal dunia.

Setiap masa mengejar-ngejar pahala.

Subhanallah.

I swear that was the best 'holiday' I ever had in my entire life.

You could give me million visits to any places on earth, but I swear nothing is ever better than seeing Kaabah with your own two eyes.

I hope I can be there again, maybe in 2018 / 2019?

InshaAllah. Jom sama-sama pasang niat.

| Lets do this. Aim for it. Work for it. |

::: Mortal

If we cant be supportive or positive towards others' intentions and plans, it is wise for us to keep quiet and stay out of it. Our negative remarks is the last thing any person would need during any tasks. 

You can never be perfect in everything. If you ever feel 'I am always right, because I have been through it', you are definitely wrong and selfish! Sedangkan bulu badan setiap kita ini pun tak sama panjang, and you expect us to be similar? 

You really need to revisit your self reflection. Muhasabah. Bersangka baik. Berkata baik. It starts within yourself.

| learning life |

::: Soul Searching

Assalammualaikum...

| for Allah |

::: Confession

It has been a while since I experience this feeling.
Of being.. Hmmm
No, not loved.
But beyond...

I cant describe.

There are boundaries
That we know will forever exist
That put quote like 'loving doesnt necessary mean having'
Sounded as painful as hell

But those eyes...
Those words...
Those frequency...
Are beyond love

We crave for attention
For each other
We feel complete

This feeling that we have
May one day grows too much
But we will keep it just within us
No one shall let it be seen

No, not the feeling of loved
But beyond...


| midlife crisis |

::: Time Off

Time spent well

| free |

::: Too Secured

There shall be no insecurity

When we hold tight to loyalty

There shall be no jealousy

When we hold tight to independency

| capability |

::: A Hero

Independent, as hell.

|  i am my own hero |

::: Near Date

Less than a month to go.
I hope it marks my new destiny.
Im excited, thrilled, happy and impatient.
Yet I feel more lost, not ready, scared and trembled.

But they say true love is not easy.
I know Im finding one.
Finding the right ONE.


| not easy |

::: Unspoken Uphill

Life seems like an arduous journey recently - with self monologue becoming more negative and destructive than ever.

Im being too tough on myself, and tougher towards others, for that, Im sorry.

This phase will end soon, I hope. Hence do not worry..


| burdensome |

::: The Not-Sorry

Going stronger. 

Because I have nothing to lose. 

Got so much to achieve. 

Done enough to please.

Wont care if no one ever feel sorry.

Because, again, I have nothing to lose.

| forward |

::: Free

Hello Malaysia!

| the smell of our home |

::: A Break

Blessed

Alhamdulillah

| Work hard, play hard |

::: Cukupkah, cukuplah

Cukupkah

Amal kita

Sedekah kita

Ibadah kita

Iman kita

Konon cita-cita

Menjenguk rumah Yang Esa

Namun sedikit tak ada gusar

Membikin noda dosa

Cukuplah

Jangan ditambah bakul-bakul dosa

Sudahlah

Sudahlah

| cukup-cukupkan |

::: For Things We Cant Say, Write

| alhamdulillah |

::: Secebis Dosa

Near end of my 30 years journey.

I have been well blessed by The Almighty Allah
I have been showered by His magical happiness
I have been granted with things that I dreamt of
I have been much enlightened by His enormous guidance

Nonetheless, I know..
I have a dark history
I had committed big sins
I had walked across His boundaries
I had forgotten Him in many ways

In which I always regret
For what I have done unto myself
That distanced me from His better way

We always know that Allah is watching
But why do we still commit such wrongdoings?
Do we forget what is heaven or hell?
Or do we just live to satisfy the greed and shaytan?

Upon Him I pray
For our soul to be cleaned and aware
That He is watching
All for the goods He will redeem
And for those sins, we definitely need to pay


| in a painful memory, i wish to never stay |

::: Life Lessons

As I get older, I become quieter. 

When surrounded by certain people, I choose to remain silent when things get dramatic or critical. It doesnt mean I refuse to discuss on that respective issues. Neither do I feel I am on the losing side. 

I am just plain tired of being in life crisis. That sorts of flow used to look complex and interesting back then. But now, nah, with too much on my plates, I would say I have had enough of those. Really, enough.

For now, let me just be alone. I am happy this way. I am free. I now hate personal commitment. I choose to concentrate on my career. I need not to worry about how to make everyone happy. I focus more on myself. I travel more. I learn more. I pick who I share my personal life with. I can giggle to the littlest joke. I may cry whenever I want. 

I am free. Free of burdening boundaries. 

I am free. I am me.

| the end |

::: Departed

Little steps that bring me ahead

And the light that show me some guide

Some perfect men that keep me sane

Flawless women that are there and then

Thank you family, friends and strangers

May we meet again soon :)

x

| moving away isnt any easy, but at least, im done with it|

::: Kuasa

Maha Suci Allah
Luas betul dunia Dia


| haze |

::: Hello Again

Goodbye, Malaysia! :)

| honeymoon la hoi Kak Eton! |

::: Free

Few weekends and oncalls away.
Yippy dabedabedu!

Then, another few weekends again.
Hooray!

| luasnya bumi Allah |

::: Eiduladha Away

Ohoi la Raya Korban.
Cepat-cepat la datang.


| shall start planning the next one! |

::: Hello We Meet Again

Safely landed. Safe and sound. Lets roll the dice and counts millions blessings.

| piu piu |

::: So Soon

Tak terasa. May comes next week.

Yippy!


| tunggu I, ok? |

::: When..

Well you only need the light when it's burning low
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow
Only know you love her when you let her go

Only know you've been high when you're feeling low
 Only hate the road when you're missing home
Only know you love her when you let her go
And you let her go

| let her go |

::: All Set To Go

Letter has been sent

Request has been informed

Awaiting results and confirmation

Lillahita'ala...

++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Booked! 

| smooth sail inshaAllah |

::: Few Steps To Go

September 2015. Will come in a blink of eyes. I will make that decision, that big decision, soon.

Insha-Allah. That choice will be made after some Istiqarah. Because I know, Allah knows best.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Previously Mak Jah ni kan suka bebenor haaaa dgn Abg Bomba. Tapi baru-baru ni, terasa fobia pulak dengan Abg Bomba. Hahahaha funny. Abg Bomba kat Malaysia ni pelik-pelik kot perangai dia. Pastu kurang sado. Hahaha ok gurau kasar sikit!

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Poket oh poket. Bila nak penuh? Mungkin ada yang masih sudi hulur-hulurkan Tiffany? Hikhik~

| looking ahead, and smiling |

::: Secret

The best feeling
As of now
Is to love
In secret
And to be loved
Secretly

You
Thank you
:)

| a good path will b eased |

::: Lie

I believe in what the old saying says.
"Once a liar, always a liar.."

Told you so! Heh.

| what goes around, come around |

::: Aim Higher

Our mission, shall be as sharp as our vision. And thus having ability to focus on our specific target too.

Be bold. Be ready. Be high.

| May, cepat datang.. :) |

::: Go

All my bags are pack
I am ready to go

/ fly high /

::: 010114

| taken |

::: Happier Than Ever

No argument.
Period.
=)

| life is all about Him |

::: Allahu

Maha suci Allah
Pemberi cahaya
Untuk segala yang Dia cipta
Pemberi jalan
Untuk segala yang Dia hakkan

Baru sudah aku tahu
Maha benar seadanya ujian
Maha benar seadanya kecelakaan

Nauzubillah
Allah
Tunjukkan

Padamkan
Apa sahaja yang masih berbaki

Tunjuk aku
Jalan ke syurga
Beri aku
Bahagia ibu bapa
Kirim aku
Imam yang tak berdusta

Salam dari perantauan
Jauh jauh dari kenangan
Dekat dekat dengan kebenaran

| what a truth |

::: Hello World

| journey begins |

::: You

Thank you
For being
Too good to be true

| living a dream ♡ |

::: Tired

There are times..
I am just too tired..

- of being nice
- of being responsible
- of being friendly
- of being detailed
- of being helpful
- of being hopeful
- of being everything

That I can
- for my patients
- for my career
- for my future

Because I have missed and will further miss
- countless hours of my sleep
- hundreds of my loved ones' weddings
- hundreds episodes of my favourite tv shows
- thousands moments of my family gathering
- many opportunities to meet someone new

Just to care for some ill strangers

But one thing keeps me moving
Keeps me smiling
Is what I hold deep within 

"WHAT IF THOSE LYING THERE SICKLY..

ARE MY PARENTS, MY FAMILY, OR MY FRIENDS?"

I shall be thinking

"Would the doctor be
- nice
- responsible
- friendly
- detailed
- helpful
- hopeful
- and everything that is positive?"

+++++++++++++++++++++++++

3 minggu lepas, aku oncall EOD. Sikit lagi nak jadi gila. Setiap oncall pulak jonahnya Masha-Allah. Melampau-lampau. Selalunya oncall aku 60% cold.

Tapi minggu tu entah kenapala semua oncalls aku panas membara. Admissions tak henti-henti. Emergency OT sampai ada 14 open appendicectomies. Tak termasuk case laparotomies lagi.

That week, my total hours of sleep hanya 15jam. Hebat. Mata jadi panda.

Hari terakhir postcall, boleh pulak aku tertidur masa driving, Mak Jemah oi.. Sedar-sedar dah accident. Kesian. Dengan jujur aku cakap kat mamat tu "Sorry. Saya tertidur masa driving. Penat".

Gamaknya dia kesian. Or terkejut? Tengok muka persis katak aku. Yg berminyak tak bermaya. Pucat. Lepas 4 hari oncall sepanjang minggu.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++

My boys are both so lovely. I will love you till Jannah. InshaAllah. Semua ini memang sekadar pinjaman Allah. Tapi cukup. Aku syukur sebab sempat merasa. Disayang dan menyayang =)

| jonahness continues |

::: Oppa

I guess my recent posts had escalated several things up on the other side eh? I knew it would. Huh.

Too obvious. Too obvious.

Keep on rolling dude. Roll until you are done. And crashed.

| ♡ Kang Gary |

::: Living Out

Have you ever heard about any tale about living as a backpacker? Well if you never did, then you are not that interested enough to pursue your journey as a real backpacker then..

A piece of bag pack. A pair of shoes. Two to three pairs of jeans. Less than five pairs of tees. A pair of sunglasses. A suit of raincoat. Some little toiletries. A good map of certain cities. A cute dictionaries of certain languages. A good amount of money.

And set you go! Fly free, like the little bird..

++++++++++++++++++++

Say something, I'm giving up on you

I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you

Anywhere I would've followed you

Say something, I'm giving up on you

And I will swallow my pride

You're the one that I love

And I'm saying goodbye

++++++++++++++++++++

| see you around! |

::: Faith

Those two taught me well, on fear and hope. Yes, never take a simple fear for granted. Always offer hope, for it is worth a good life and a pretty smile.

+++++++++++++++++++++

Little, but definite.

Is fear.

Small, but great.

Is hope.

++++++++++++++++++++++

Hello aeroplanes! We meet again! Serve me well. Bring me good journey!

| faith is just plain beautiful |

::: I used...

I used
To have a happy life

I used
To have a great friend

I used
To have a good lane

Now
I have a happier life

Now
I have a greater friend

Now
I have a better sane

Game on.
In your face.

| that is just right |

::: Please Dont Promise Me Forever

I want us to love each other one day at a time...
... And string those days together like the precious things they are...
... Instead of trying too hard and promising too much.
Please don't expect me to always be good and kind and loving.
There are times when I will be cold
and thoughtless
and hard to understand.

But it will only be because of the weather, or the flu, or one of my moods
... not because I love you less. Please remember that.
Please don't think about all the things that could happen to us.
Don't think about other people coming between us.
Don't think about outgrowing each other or growing out of love.

Please do think about all the good things that could happen to us.
Think of growing closer to each other,
finding new reasons for being together...
... and think of loving. I will, too. I am right now.

Please don't get mad at me if I forget your birthday,
or some special day we share...
... and please remember that there is an "everydayness"
about what we have that is beyond birthdays and anniversaries
That's why, sometimes, I may not remember on special day...
... because all our days are special to me.

Please don't ever sign a letter "as ever"
Please don't be too easy on me ...
Or expect me to be easy on you.
Both of us have room to grow,
and both of us have to grow if we want to hold each other's love
Please don't ever give me too much of yourself
or take too much of me.
In our togetherness, we still need our private places.

Please listen to me, when I'm talking to you...
... and please don't ever think about someone else when I kiss you
Please don't start an argument
or make me look foolish in front of other people...
... but when we're alone
don't feel like you're walking on eggs.
Go ahead and say what you think.
if I need telling off, tell me off
Then we can have our fight
and make up
and love again
just us.

Please remember to call me sometimes for no reason
except that you feel me thinking about you, needing your voice
Please don't ever lose that laugh of yours-
It's such a real laugh.
And never change the way you brush my hair back from my eyes
and smile when I'm trying to be very serious...
or the little odd ways you have of saying things that make you "you"
one of a kind,
the one I love.

Please, lets not use politeness
And busyness and silence
to avoid our problems
and the places where we hurt if something is wrong,
lets go after it and make it right.
It's a good feeling to think of growing older with you
but please, let's not ever grow old
I want us to always hang on to the newness
that we have right now.
And lets never be ashamed of our innocence,
of the child within us.
Lets never give up our dreams.
Please don't try keep it from me when you're feeling down
I'll never be able to share your joy if you try protect me from your sadness
Please don't ever say never...
... and please don't promise me forever
All I ask
is that you love me
now.

And please know that I love you more today then I ever had before.
I can't promise you forever,
but I can promise you today with the hope and belief
that there is a beautiful tomorrow in store for us.


1976 R.Lyons

::: Alhamdulillah

Semua sudah selesai
Usai satu persatu

Semua urusan semua majlis
Allah permudahkan

Tinggallah aku dalam sejuta kali gelap
Tidak lagi aku pernah jatuh dan sesat

Kerana di sana
Dia ada
Sentiasa ada


| Alhamdulillah untuk semua |

::: Penat Mengejar

Kamu--
Tidak pernahkah kamu rasa
Penat--
Mengejar

Mengejar apa yang belum kamu pernah ada
Mengejar apa yang kamu rasa kamu mahu ada
Mengejar apa yang entah Allah redha mahupun murka

Penat
Sumpah, mengejar ini terlalu penat



Andai itu hidup yang dicari
Maka kejarlah hingga kebas kaki dan hati

Sesiapa tiada kuasa memberi apa-apa
Kecuali diri kita sendiri
Diperkenankan Dia Maha Pencipta

Semoga dijumpa
Apa sahaja yang dikejar

Semoga--
Itu jalan yang sebenar-benar benar..


| tamat |

::: Vacay

This time it is further.
To family and friends.
I will be announcing something big next week.
Till then..


| mencari Allah |

::: Mercedes ***19*8

Thank you. Really.


| ... |

::: Esok Lusa Tulat Tulat Tulat Tulat Tulat

Aku
Tiada

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Teringat - SINI

"When I said I trust you, meaning I am willing to and have sacrifice so much to overcome that great deal of my own fear and past. Thus, I beg any of you - who I already trust, who I already have faith in - to listen, to share, to love, to live together - please dont take that trust for granted."

Ada

Berbaki

Sisa-sisa

Allah

Tolong ambil semua

Aku enggan jaga

Cukup

Aku rasa cukup  


| cukuplah Allah ku untuk ku |

::: Satu

Silapnya cuma satu. SATU.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Dalam berjalan ke arah tuntutan Allah, pasti tak lekang ujian ditarah.

Aku ingat lagi - aku masih mahu cekal mempertahan.

Tetapi gagal - kerana mereka dahulu mengalah pada godaan.

Kalah pada dunia dan permainan.

Tak apa. Hasbi Rabbi.

Nanti aku kembali.

| sayup-sayup meredah jalan |

::: Moving On

Orang cuma dapat mendengar, dapat cuba untuk memahami
Tetapi yang merasa sakitnya cuma kita sendiri

What a broken heart needs is time
With time, come strength
With time, come patience
With time, come acceptance


Biarlah cuma Allah ada di hati
Biarlah cuma Allah rindu disemi
Biarlah cuma Allah cinta diberi
Kerana Allah tidak pernah menyakiti

La Tahzan
Allah dah kata jadi, maka jadilah segala
Allah takkan uji lebih daripada kita punya kudrat tenaga
Juga kemampuan hati

Yakin
Percaya
Allah balas segala 


| to walk through is the hardest path. once through, it will all be just fine |

:: A Letter to You

Dear you,

Just 3 days in 2013, yet so much have happened to me, friend. And I believe, such so did happen in yours too. =)

I now have learn to come to term - to let everything bad passes me as flawless as they want. But to reminisce every single happy moment that I deserve to celebrate.

I want to not question for their reasons to happen, but I will learn to analyze my mistakes - creating changes and moving forward. Forgive and forget, apologize and behave.

I am done letting myself to fall along a bottomless hill. Seeing things around me, make me realize, of what purposes I really live for.

We have family. Yet we spend good time the very least with them. (oh, maybe this applies on me only)

We have true friends. Yet we turn around thinking someone else is better than them.

Sad, regret - for so much that I have missed.

Today, 2 days before I turn 28, I am writing this thing to you, to remind you, my future self, to not look down on yourself during any bad periods. 

Have faith, to face hardships. Accept some facts that no one is perfect. Accept others as they are and deliver forgiveness as they request.

Strength, is what I am working towards. So must you.

Strength to become realistic in achieving dreams. 

Strength to bear with hardships that are really unforeseen.

Ganbatte kudasai, Arieza!

May you realize, upon reading this, that you have made a promise, to none other than yourself. So get up, and have fun in learning about life! =)

Love,

You

| =) |

::: Cliche 2013

Daripada tajuk pun dah tahu, entry ini going to be lame - which includes wishing everyone a happy new year and live long in joy and prosperity. Lame! Ceit.

Not now. Tahun baru, apa sangat la yang istimewa. Setiap 12 bulan sambut benda yang sama. Kesudahannya? Ada apa-apa ke yang berubah? Bagai nak rak menyambut sakan. Muharram dah lama berlalu, Mek.. Malam itu, kau tahu yang buku amalan kau dah buka siri baru?

Do you think you were better last year? Do you think you had achieved more last year? Do you think you were even making any small progress at all in every aspects?

Kalau ada, tahniah. Teruskan pencapaian.

Kalau takda, tak payah la seronok bebenor nak menyambut new year kononnyer. Habuk pun tarak. Masih di takuk lama. Masih belum ada yang mampu dibanggakan. Tin kosong ketang ketong ketang ketong~

Tahun silih berganti. Usia meningkat meniti. Bukan cuma kita, tetapi mak ayah kita juga.

Benar ajal maut di tangan Tuhan. Namun aku bukan sempurna boleh tolak segala rasa gundah apabila mempersoal usia orang tua. Hari-hari tadah tangan. Semoga semuanya baik-baik sahaja. Allah tahu setiap perjalanan. Esok lusa mungkin aku yang tiada.

 ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ 

Cliche-nya topik azam tahun baru, kan? Well, semoga mata kau terus rela membaca benda redundant sebegini... So, here goes.

Untuk aku...

"Mahu lebih dekat pada Allah. Belajar jadi lebih tabah. Ada rintangan, belajar pasrah. Semoga Allah akan permudah."

| malam tahun baru, banyak maksiat berlaku |

::: Rogol Merogol

Sekadar gambar hiasan nukilan Pakcik Google

Tertarik aku dengan topik rogol ni selepas terbaca di media massa tentang seorang bekas ahli kumpulan Ruffedge yang dituduh merogol anak tiri dia selama 7 tahun. Propa kau, nyah! Baca pasal retisss~

Nauzubillah. Dunia sekarang ni, manusia macam-macam ragam. Entah kat mana silap. Iman? Akidah? Akhlak? Takwa? Kepercayaan? Kemanusiaan? Keluarga? Persekitaran?

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Untuk sesiapa di antara kita yang ada terdetik mahu merogol - nampak perempuan seksi sikit terus menggelegak nafsu serakah, ditambah dengan bisik hitam syaitan makinlah otak ligat mencari mangsa dan jalan - fikir dulu balasan Tuhan!

Kemudian, fikir apa pula rasanya kalau mak/isteri/anak/kakak/adik perempuan kau yang kena rogol juga. Mesti rasa nak bunuh orang, bukan? Kalau dah sampai tahap wajib menikah tu, cepat-cepatlah menikah. Ambik yang rukun sahaja. Yang penting, terhindar dari perbuatan jahat tu.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Yang sudah menjadi mangsa rogol pula, jangan terus putus asa. Hidup mesti terus. Pasti ada hikmah Allah turunkan bencana sedemikian rupa. Pengalam ngeri lepas, mungkin susah untuk kamu lupa, namun usah terlalu kerap memandang ke belakang, kerana yang di depan masih jauh perlu diteruskan.

Memang maruah rasa dipijak-pijak. Lagi-lagi kena berdepan dengan mulut manusia zaman sekarang ni, yang lebih besar daripada mulut tempayan dan perigi, lebih busuk daripada longkang bahan kumbah. Sabar. Allah duga kau kerana kau antara yang paling kuat di kalangan hamba-Nya di bumi.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ 

Untuk rakyat jelata pula, penonton segala busuk wangi drama kehidupan, usahlah banyak mencaci. Si [erogol pun dia caci, mangsa rogol pun kena maki sekali. Ish ish. Apa punya mulut la yang kita bela selama ni? Sayangnya bibir molek yang Tuhan bagi tu diguna untuk mengeji sesama sendiri.

Segalanya bermula dari keimanan. Mari bersama-sama berubah ke arah kebaikan. Semoga kita terpelihara dari kemaksiatan.

| mencari rindu yang suci |

::: Membaca Post Lama

Dok kuyu mata bergolek-golek di bilik, ketika hujung minggu yang sekejap panas sekejap hujan ni, aku rajin-rajinkan diri membelek-belek segala entry aku di zaman ketika ketiak masih suci - hanya ada bulu ketiak yang halus mulus tak diperlihat dek mata cuma mampu dirasa di hujung jari.. Phewiiittt~

Kelakar. Tergamam. Senyum. Malu-malu sendiri..

Entry aku yang dulu-dulu, temanya lebih memberontak, lebih terbuka. Namun aku masih dapat rasakan setiap tulisan itu aku letak berbakul-bakul rasa keikhlasan. Aku ligatnya menulis memang kerana aku sedang khusyuk bercerita. Tak kiralah pada kamu-kamu semua, atau pada diri dan jiwa raga.

Dari isu G-string, ke isu ibu bapa. Semua aku pernah ada.

Sekarang, nak tulis sepatah pun dah rasa loya.. Ptuih! Loya dengan penerimaan rakyat jelata lain yang suka memandang maksud tulisan aku yang berjela-jela. Bosanlah, kau! Bosan!

| berlapik tak serik|

::: Doubt

Dusta aku

Andai kata hati tak pernah luka

Dusta aku

Andai kata hati tak pernah kecewa

Dusta aku

Andai beriya selalu bilang bahagia

Dusta aku

Andai tiada tangis cuma ketawa

Dusta aku

Andai yakin tanpa rasa curiga

Dusta aku

Andai setuju tanpa rasa waspada

Kenapa sekarang ragu-ragu itu tiba?

Kenapa sekarang luka mahu berbicara?

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Final professional is getting closer. I cant even start thinking about exam while too many matters are unasnwered.

Bertimpa-timpa, datang.
Tanggung sahaja tak pernah habis hilang.
Tertanya-tanya, terus herdik berang.
Tanggung lagi tak mahu meradang.

Yet, people dont get it. Why? Merely because they have secured a real paid job, while I am still no where in this field.

Ya Rabb. Apa sahaja.
Aku rasa mahu telan semua sengsara.

Tengah.
Di tolak ke kanan, sana parah.
Di tolak ke kiri, situ marah.
Aku yang berkerah.
Mahu jaga hati semua.
Habis, aku? Sapa mahu jaga?

Siapa yang sebenar sedang bina hidup bahagia?
Siapa yang sebenar perlu sokongan bukannya cerca?
Ini tidak.
Serupa aku yang sudah gah punya segala.
Mereka mereka mahu aku angguk setiap masa.

Sudahlah..
Buang jauh-jauh bisik syaitan.
Pasti Dia turunkan bantuan.
Itu, aku kata penuh keyakinan.


| hati, jangan begitu |

::: Annoyance

Makin ramai lelai perangai macam makcik tua yang dah nak menopause. Pantang ditanya, pantang disoal. Guys, wake up, you are supposed to be the masculine - not the QUEEN! Kalau kau pernah datang haid, pernah merasa sakit haid yang amat, aku tak kisah kau nak melenting setiap kali ditanya. And I will sure blame the hormone. But a MALE? What shall I blame? Surely not your testosterone, DUDE!

People brag too much - about almost everything! Love life, study, career, money, family, traveling, friends, enemies. Stop it. If u still gotta do it, be moderate. Nak brag, brag lah nak oi. Tak payah nak pung pang sangat. Berpada-pada. Macam la orang lain tak boleh baca intention kau - menunjuk. Kami pun hidup atas bumi yang sama. Tahu apa engkau rasa. Jadi, tak payahlah nak konon sembunyi-sembunyi surprises sangat sedangkan dalam hati kau membuak nak bercerita bangga. Kami tahu, harap maklum.

Perangai budak-budak tapi umur dah cecah 25 tahun. Masih lagi nak mengumpat sana-sini, masih lagi nak menjaja gosip liar, masih lagi nak terasa benda-benda simple sesama sendiri. Udah-udah la tu dik oi. Asyik-asyik nak kecik hati. Bosan! Cakap sikit salah, tak cakap pun salah. Beruk pun tahu penat nak panjat pokok-pokok setiap saat. Inikan pulak manusia yang cuma bergelar kawan nak memujuk engkau yang dok bermasam muka setiap hari. Damn, BOSAN! Yer aku tau kau menangis bengkak mata almost every day. So what? Kau sorang je yang ada hati untuk kami jaga? Kami pun ada masalah, kami pun ada susah. Tapi tak perlulah nak dibising-bising satu dunia perlu tahu semata-mata mintak simpati. Sekali-sekala boleh lagi. Setiap hari? BOSAN!!!!!!!!

Dosa pahala. Belum ada ikatan nikah, dah kehulur kehilir bawak anak dara orang merata sakan menyelidik satu dunia. Yer, kau tak sentuh. Yer, kau tak bersetubuh. Tapi zinanya masih ada. Betul, aku bukan tiada khilaf yang sudah layak nak tegur kau. Yer, aku tahu kau mesti tengah kutuk aku - baru mula bertudung dah nak tunjuk bagus macam ustazah. Beb, sekurang-kurangnya aku tahu apa itu dosa pahala. Yang boleh dielak, aku usaha keras untuk elak. Kalau dah melekat sangat, nikah je la. Belum ready kau kata? Duit ko bazir berfoya-foya berdua, berhibur berdua, untuk apa? Komitmen yang engkau takutkan? Tanggungjawab suami isteri dan rumahtangga yang engkau takutkan? Dahtu, dosa dari Tuhan, kau tak cuakkan? Ish hebat. Kau manusia hebat. Aku hari-hari fikir, macam mane cara nak hindar hasutan syaitan. Sampai masa aku menggigil dok fikir balasan Tuhan. Nauzubillah. Banyaknya dosa aku. Jadi kawan, aku tak suka lihat kau tambah dosa juga. Sudah-sudahlah. Ada cara mudah yang Allah halalkan. Tak susah - fikiran engkau je yang fikir hal itu menyusahkan.

Ok dah lah. Aku pulak yang annoying. Sayonara. Tutup buku cerita.

  
| Makin tua makin menjadi |

::: My Baby Nephew Turns One

Lama sungguh tak bercerita la kan.

Well, on 22nd of July 2012, my baby nephew named Ilan Nufail bin Riezan, finally turned to his tender one!

One year old, and he is sooo charming. Johnny Depp pun belum tentu dapat kalahkan kecomelan dan ke-handsome-an dia.

Friday night, 21st July, we held a small birthday party for him. Malam pertama Ramadan, so tak boleh la nak beriya sangat. Orang pun nak kena pergi tarawikh dulu. After tarawikh then baru ramai sikit orang datang.

The party was actually a last minute plan. Mula-mula tak nak buat sebab orang pun sibuk nak start puasa esoknya. But fikir-fikir balik, kesian pulak si kecik tu. First year birthday pun dah tak sambut. Jadi kami decided buat kecil-kecilan je. Kecil-kecilan pun, ambik masa 2 hari 2 malam jugak la nak decorate rumah and prepare itu ini. Semangat! Anak sedara pertama la katakan. Hihihihi.

On that same night, that first weekend of Ramadan, Incik Macha pun flied over from KL to Kuching. Although a bit late, he nonetheless spent the whole weekend with us, well specifically me LOL.

Tak lalu la nak taip panjang-panjang. Tangan and jari pun tengah berpuasa ni. Katanya! More pictures to come on my next entry! Insya-Allah. Tengah tunggu memory card dari my SIL DSLR.

Maklumlah, aku ada digital camera je. Dah dikira zaman batu dah kalau nak dibandingkan dengan zaman budak-budak remaja sekarang ni. Diorang pergi shopping mall pun nak koya sangkut DSLR kat leher! Ingat pergi melancong ke?? Pui.

Ok dah. Tamat. Selamat berpuasa!

| If only I could remember my own first year of life |

::: Akhirnya Aku Ke Situ

6 Julai 2012. Jumaat.

Akhirnya. Aku menghampiri seperti dahulu - ketika aku masih muda remaja di sekolah menengah. Zaman buta hiburan. Masih tunduk pada arahan. Masih naif tentang kehidupan. Namun atas kekhilafan diri, dunia indah itu aku pernah tinggalkan.

Saban tahun aku rindui. Sumpah. Jauhhhhhh dalam hati aku senyap-senyap lafaz rindu sembunyi-sembunyi. Tetapi syaitan dan nafsu kuat nak melawan. Hishhh!! Dah penuh buku amalan dengan segala dosa-dosa yang terlalu mudah untuk dielakkan. Baru sekarang mahu sedar? Sesungguhnya Allah itu tidak pernah lokek dengan kemaafan dan keampunan. Kita sahaja yang malas meminta.

Kini, aku mahu istiqamah. Terlalu jauh hendak ke arah alim ulama. Apatah lagi taraf penghuni tetap di syurga. Tetapi aku mahu tanam ego ke arah cita-cita itu.. Senang sebenarnya - jaga iman, jaga amal, jaga segala. Bersederhana. Jangan berhenti belajar.

Malam itu, jiwa takut mati jadi punca. Tangan bergetar, menitik air mata. Memandang ke putih dinding bilik. Tiba-tiba rasa sebak - tersangat sebak. Teringat akan dosa-dosa lalu. Masya-Allah. Rupanya hari-hari aku sakan mengutip dosa mudah. Ringan pada mula. Dah bertahun-tahun? Mahunya tak terkira!

Alhamdulillah, tatkala itu Allah datangkan sinar sebenar. Apa yang aku mahu jadi, Allah datangkan kekuatan dan tekad. Dengan izin Dia, segala niat jadi perbuatan. Alhamdulillah.

Sekarang aku pohon doa semua rakan, doakan aku terus tekad - melawan nafsu, melawan syaitan. Doakan aku terus ke depan, lurus ke depan.

Kerana di depan, ada syurga. Syurga yang sebenarnya mudah untuk kita semua jejaki tetapi disusahkan dek kejahilan diri sendiri.


| Buka buku baru |

::: Terkejut Dan Dikejut

Life is becoming too hectic. Schedule memang teramat ketat, lebih ketat daripada seluar En Malek Noor suatu ketika dahulu. Lebih padat juga daripada kepadatan Cik Rozita Che Wan kita.

Macam-macam procedures nak di complete. Macam-macam penyakit nak di tengok. Hari-hari ada orang masuk hospital. Ish. Kadang-kadang, aku dok fikir, kenapalah ada orang sakit hari-hari ek? Machine pun tak rosak hari-hari. Jambatan pun tak runtuh hari-hari.

Oh oh oh. Manusia, FRAGILE betul sebenarnya ye.. Manja tau!

Kuman-kuman, bakteria-bakteria, segala jenis kulat dan kerabat-kerabat kenit organisma ni semua pun suke bebenor lah kat manusia. Tak bosan ke dengan manusia? Cuba la diorang pi kacau jambatan ke, jalan raya ke, kereta ke, basikal ke. Banyak option. Ok dah merepek. Maaf.

Bukan mengeluh bosan mengadap orang sakit. Mengeluh sebab penat. Ceh. Penat la sangat ek. Hahahaha budget dah jadi doctor. Phuiiiiiiiii!

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Hari ni ada dua kematian yang dok mengejutkan aku.

Salah sorang jiran kami, committed suicide. Gantung diri sampai mati dalam bilik tidur tengah malam semalam. Another one is the death of a doctor (an MO) yang satu rumah dengan kawan aku. Accident dengan lori time nak balik kampung petang tadi. Innalillah. Semoga roh-roh mereka yang telah pergi berada di kalangan hamba-Nya yang Allah janjikan syurga. Amin.

Segala yang Allah pinjamkan, kita kena pulangkan. Tak tahu bila. Tak tahu apa cara. Seram. Naik segala bulu roma. Dosa aku masih berbakul-bakul. Beratnya, MasyaAllah, tak terluah dengan kata-kata. Api neraka aku tahu memang menunggu dengan marak. Nauzubillah. Seriau. Hati dah hitam pun Allah masih sayang. Inikan pula mereka yang selalu dekat dengan Dia. Semoga kita sentiasa mampu dan berkesempatan untuk bertaubat.


| Insya-Allah, berubah |

::: Hina Hamba

Tidak secantik si puteri
Tidak semanis si bidadari

Biar bermain dengan seloka
Ditanya-tanya kenapa
Diri di layan umpama hina

Bukan hormat disembah
Cuma kasihlah pada maruah
Kerdil impian sebelum patah


| jangan ludah |

::: Final Super Spontan

Tamat sudah 10 weeks of good laugh. They had performed well to entertain every beginning of our weekends. Zizan was awarded as champion, followed by Johan, then Tokei. Zizan layak untuk menang, Johan juga, Tokei pun sama. The 3 of them actually memang kaw-kaw punya spontan. All layak to be champions. Tapi, adat lah kan. Rezeki tu kan semua kerja Tuhan.

Aduhai Mak Mah! Aku menulis dah macam juri tak diundang! Phui! Aku bukan nak tulis review. Sorry, silap channel lah kalau kome ke mari nak cari isi-isi tersirat karangan kontot aku ni.

Cuma, aku rasa for the upcoming Fridays, tak tahu dah nak tengok TV show apa. Dulu ada Maharaja Lawak, then Maharaja Lawak Mega, then Raja Lawak (entah musim berapa aku tak berapa nak follow sebab program tu dah jadi redundant and peserta makin kurang lawak!), afterwards Superspontan menyusul. The next laugh will be from what show then?

So far, Karoot Komedia X akan mula. Achaner Tu Johan pun will begin very soon. So, hoyey! Not that boring and show-less lah kan..

Well, dont be surprised by my choice of TV shows sebab I prefer comedy rather than that 'Bella', 'Akasia' bla bla bla sorts of drama. Bosan! Too serious is no fun anymore! I have enough seriousness from my real hard life so I let the comedy to take over my fantasy and fun...

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Back to life - again!!! Cuti dah makin ke penghujung. This coming Tuesday, another major posting will begin. Back to wards, clinics and teachings. Bluwerghhh!!! Exam is boring but the knowledge is actually entertaining.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

There are people who we really love unconditionally but we just could not live with them. It is mere impossible.

| we are the champions of all the released sperms! |

::: Malas Bukan Sebarang Malas

Haro haro semua.

Dah lama sungguh aku tak update di sini. Bukan sebab tak minat. Minat tu sangat memuncak. Idea dalam otak bertimbun-timbun. Masa je yang tak ada langsung. Semenjak dah start Final Year ni, masa packed sungguh. Balik dari hospital dah tercungap-cungap penat. Kadang-kadang ada extra class pulak sampai malam. Nasib tak baik, ada on-call pulak.

Dah di rumah, penat melanda. Nak switch on laptop pun malas ya amat. Mata mengantok super duper awal. Pukul 10 dah collapse. Melainkan malam-malam tertentu yang aku terpaksa settlekn assignment or bertungkus lumus habiskan revision untuk exam.

So far, in the previous academic year, aku dah harungi macam-macam dan Alhamdulillah, semua postings dah lulus walaupun not with flying colours. This final hurdle pulak, everything is getting tougher. Demands from everyone pun getting bigger and their expectation pun is getting higher. Insya-Allah. Selagi ada kudrat, kena kuat!

+++++++++++++++++++++++++

Eh regarding pics from Bandung.. Well, oh well.. Malas ni memang bukan sebarang malas. Nak go through the pictures and upload those in an entry is another damn big obstacle untuk manusia overdose malas seperti aku ni. So far, aku tangguhkan dulu lah ye. Sehingga aku mampu bernafas semula. Mungkin esok lusa. Sebab starting esok, aku cuti seminggu. Away from hospital, clinic and classes. Oh, I am in a mini-temporary heaven. LOL.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Chalo dulu! Mahu usik Incik Macha yang sedang sibuk dengan Macbook Air baru dia. Phuiii. Aku TAK JELES!

Abang Ejan and Kak Ida pun baru beli iPad. Huh. Aku TAK JELES juga!

Wuwuwuwu. Aku mana mungkin cemburu. Hati aku ni je gatal nak cemburu! Syuhh!! Syuhh!! Setan ni banyak betul~

| mim alip lam sin |

::: Home From Bandung

Assalammualaikum and hello everyone!

I disappeared for quite a good month, huh? Actually I was in Bandung, Indonesia for an Elective Posting. I completed the 1 month posting at Rumah Sakit Hasan Sadikin, under Padjadjaran University.

That 1 month was nice, with ups and downs, bitter and sweet memories. Packed with new knowledge and experiences. Pergi sana bukan takat ber-elective je, nyah.. Kena ambik peluang bercuti sekali~ Itu hukumnya HARUS. Memang terbaik walaupun dilanda keracunan makanan yang agak teruk. Disaster!

After sebulan di sana, then I came back to Malaysia few days ago. Spent several days in the West Malaysia first. Enjoying moments with loved one, few family members and friends. Even headed to Cameron Highlands...~ Woot woot!

And best of all, I received tremendously lovely and great treats from Incik Macha too! Surprise! Surprise! Thanks Incik Kekasih. Auwch~

I just came back home from KL last night. Nak kata jet-lag, memang mustahil sebab Bandung pun only 1 hour later than our Malaysian time.

Nanti lah aku story lagi.. With amazing photos and stories to come!

Daaa~


| permisi~ |

::: Hidup Ini Seni

Seni bukan cuma pada tulis
Seni bukan cuma pada harmonis
Seni bukan cuma pada lukis
Seni bukan cuma pada puitis

Hidup ini seluruhnya ada seni. Daripada sekadar memasang niat, sehingga kepada melempar cemuh, daripada sekadar memasang hajat, sehingga kepada menggenggam darjat. Iya itu semua seni.

Meluah apa dirasakan hati, itu, untuk aku, juga seni. Seni yang paling tinggi. Kerana kita ini lebih suka menyimpan rasa. Konon biar tidak meluka sesiapa. Konon sanggup biar diri sendiri parah berdarah...

Phuiii!

Susah bukan. Hidup dalam kotak tanggapan. Takut pada condong pandangan. Memang susah!

Namun ada kala, aku lebih suka lantang suara. Takut tatkala diam terlalu lama, seluruh anggota daripada yang bernyawa sehingga ke jiwa, semua jadi mati. Mati rasa. Mati cinta. Mati segala.

Tidak, aku tidak mahu hidup dalam kusam. Cuma kelabu, hitam, kelabu dan hitam. Biar semua warna ada. Petir guruh taufan kemarau, biar semua pernah tiba. Yang penting, aku sempat meluah semua. Bukan cuma berdiam jiwa.

Itu boneka.. Bukan manusia..


| mengutuk dalam hati, juga satu seni. silakan~ |

::: Aku Gelak Bunyi Hahaha

Hahaha
Aku ketawa
Ok daaa




| rupa-rupanya ada jugak orang cemburu dengan hidup aku. hahahaha |

::: The Minack Theatre

2008, Pre-Summer Holiday. The Minack Theatre, Cornwall.

For a greater view of this world famous open air theatre, click HERE!

By the way, kalau korang nak honeymoon, sila la pergi CORNWALL! Aku recommend dowh.. Preferably, driving. Jalan-jalan yang fun and adventurous. Scenery yang superb! Oh anyway, aku pergi sana bukan untuk honeymoon..

+++++++++++++++++++++++++

Too often we envy the life of others but we always forget that there are others who envy ours too. All in all, be thankful for what we have, as I remind myself as often as I can. But too often too, the ungrateful mind slips inside the greedy me..

'They' are enjoying their life now. So what? I already had what they are now having. I already had done what they are now doing. I already had been to where they are now going.

I now realized, how lucky I am... Alhamdulillah..

+++++++++++++++++++++++++

Wah Friendster punye site dah reformat rupanya? Habis hilang segala entries aku dalam blog pertama zaman noob aku kat situ. Terrrrrrlalu banyak entries dalam tu. Mostly the entries were written when I was still in the UK..

Nanti kalau aku rajin, aku buat entry pasal the Minack Theatre. Dulu aku dah tulis berjela kat blog Friendster, skali semua entries hilang dek kerana ke'dungu'an Friendster yang reformat site tanpa prior notice! Fool! Pui to old school Friendster! Facebook punya pasal, Friendster jadi habuk! Pui lagi sekali to Facebook pulak! Pfffttttttt!

Oh sedih bertambah berbakul-bakul... More than 5 years of jotting down great memory hilang begitu saja??


| but of course, there are times, I really miss my England years |

::: Pak Dollah Bimbo

Iyer, memang tajuk bodoh. Namun actually aku cuba menyingkap satu issue yang sepertinya aku ini hidup penuh teguh pendirian. Hakptuih!

Truthful. Jujur.

Short but too subjective bagi sesetengah daripada kita. Tetapi andai hidup kita ini berpegang teguh pada apa itu dosa dan apa itu pahala, mungkin nilai kebenaran itu sangat tinggi sebenarnya. Lebih tinggi daripada KLCC, lebih tinggi daripada reban ayam 10 tingkat Pak Dollah kampung sebelah. Ish bimbo betul Pak Dollah tu kan? Oh... Dia memang kaya. Ayam berjuta-juta. Telur ayam pulak banyaknya toksah cerita!

Sorry, terbuang masa lagi.

Jujur dalam berkata-kata. Lebih jujur dalam perbuatan. Itu mahunya setiap daripada kita. Eh, bukan ke? Oooo kamu mahu duit juta-juta? Kamu pula mahu dapat pasangan bahagia?? Ok ok. Mungkin mahunya segelintir sahaja daripada kita.

Namun, percayalah. Selama 27 tahun aku hidup, banyak nyawa yang aku pernah tipu, banyak insan yang aku pernah kecewakan. Tetapi bukan aku tipu benda besar-besar. Benda rahsia kebanyakannya...

Sebab apa jadinya begitu? Sebab tidak semua aku perlu bagitahu kamu! Dei! Wake up la dei? Who are you to know the 100% compartment of my life? Dekat parents pun aku tak pernah cerita segala benda, apatah legi dekat engkau engkau sekalian yang bukan punya molekul DNA yang sama!

Jadi, pengajarannya. Semua manusia ada rahsia. Jadi sama-sama kita cuba respect each other.

Kita semua lebih kurang jer.. Toksah kau dok pung pang pung pang kata kau tu maha suci sahaya. Apa dalam hati kau langsung tiada benda yang kau rasa hanya untuk kau kongsi dengan suara jiwa kau seorang? Pui! Kau tipu. Jadi bila kau kentut senyap-senyap dalam lif, ada kau bagitu penumpang satu lift yang bau telur busuk tu sebenarnya milik engkau?



90% daripada kita, mesti pernah menipu, waima sebesar saga cuma.. Bezanya sengaja atau terpaksa.

Hidup kalau jujur sangat, orang pijak. Hidup kalau bangsat sangat, orang pijak jugak. Jadi, tepuk dada, try tanya Pak Dollah kampung sebelah...


| saya jujur. pui! |

::: Life Is Not Equal To Career Only

Back in 2009, in one of Leicester's Hospitals. A very late afternoon. In the psychiatric building. I surveyed the surrounding alone. Just to familiarize myself with the wards. Bear in mind, when you are attached alone in a clinical setting, you do not want to be lost and late on your first day, next monday.

So I walked around, humming my own tune silently. Then I met a couple. Nicely dressed. They stopped and greeted me.

Mr C: Hi dear. This late alone, are you visiting someone, perhaps?

Me: Hi. Oh no. Just walking around. I am a medical student attached here.

Mr C: Great. Good prospective for your future. We are back from visiting our nephew.

Mrs C: He used to be very excellent, in study, in career, in everything. Now admitted for some mental disorder, as we have been informed. Stressful life, then he became alcoholic and miserable. Pity him..

Me: Aaa. Sorry to hear about him. Your family must be very devastated. (Well.. We were trained to show empathy. I think I did it well because that time, I was actually in a rush, catching the hospital hopper, and not really in a mood for a conversation!)

Mr C: So, we got to make a move. You must not forget to enjoy your life, dear. Career is not the only purpose of living.

Mrs C: Your future job is well known rewarding. But remember sweetheart, have some breaks, explore the world, before you regret it like what our nephew did.

Me: Thank you Sir, Madam. For the concern. Will sure to enjoy life to the fullest, despite this hectic requirement of life. All the best for your nephew.

Mr and Mrs C: Good luck. Bye then.

So I walked home. And my brain was mumbling, 'Well, if only they know why you are alone in this clinical setting now. You used to be in pair, but not anymore.'




| funny, how life is.. |

::: Another Year And I Am Older!

Baby Ilan Nufail on 5th January 2012, at 5 months 13 days.
Ucu sayangggg Mr Ilan berlemon-lemon!

5th January it was.
The day I began to breathe through my own lungs.
And today, I am very blessed
with my 5 magical diamonds of life,
1 sparkling dearest star of heart,
and countless colourful rainbows (as well as dark clouds)
which I valued the most
and could never ask for better.

Thank you everyone, for being a part of me.


| when I get older.. I could see life better.. :) |

::: He Is Cute!

When he was at 3 months plus

The above picture was a bit basi but I am too lazy to transferred his recent photos to this laptop of mine. Now, my lovely nephew dah masuk 5 bulan lebih. He is getting more active each day. Mulut dah boleh berteriak sekuat jiwa raga. Satu rumah boleh bergema. Semua telinga boleh bergetar. Dah besar, ada potensi jadi opera singer. Kuatnye suara dia mak oi!

Time bergurau pun dia berteriak, time merengek pun dia berteriak. Ada masa, kadang-kadang dia menangis mengada-ngada. Hikhik sangat cute! Air mata langsung tak keluar. Suara je teresak-esak. Eceh.. Manje la tuh! Tapi bila dia betul-betul menangis, hambik kau, berjujuran air mata. Still comel jugak!

Sekarang banyak baju dah mula ketat. Sepasang kasut pemberian Incik Macha juga dah tak muat lagi. Baru berapa kali je pakai. Cepat betul membesarnya Baby Ilan Nufail ni. Tak lama lagi dah tak boleh panggil Baby dah.. Hehehehe.

Sekarang berat pun dah over 7 kg. Panjang pulak dah hampir mencecah 80 cm. Nanti aku update latest photo of him.

For the time being, aku perlu stop here. Kena habiskan assignments and portfolios yang berlambak ni sebelum 2 hari on-call bermula esok. Haihss nasib badan...




| all is well |

::: Hidup Bukan Hakiki

Aku ada satu problem. Besar. Agak besar. Tentang seorang perempuan, yang aku belum dapat accept sampai sekarang. Umpama satu trauma yang aku susah untuk buang. Benci terlalu benci. Entah kenapa. Mungkin naluri halus hasutan iblis cuma. Mungkin juga aku cuma hidup dalam fobia yang tak bertepi.

Susah benar aku terima apa sahaja tentang dia. Iya, aku tahu membenci itu berdosa jika bukan kena pada asas kukuhnya. Even berlainan agama, bermusuh bersengketa, Islam tidak mengajar umatnya akan satu sifat terkutuk itu.

2012, aku doa, aku boleh buang jauh-jauh rasa itu. Sudah sekian lama, dah masuk bertahun lamanya. Ya Tuhan, jadikan 2012 itu tahun aku mula bebas daripada sifat buruk itu. Aku enggan hidup selamanya dalam benci tanpa punca.

Oh bukan! Aku tahu punca, cuma tidak berani dibilang sama sesiapa. Aku simpan kedap-kedap. Nun jauhhhh dalam hati. Aku seorang saja tahu kenapa. Ya Tuhan, tolong aku buang benci itu.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

There are times we wish we are not who we are -wanting to be like another person, to have his/her life, to have what he/she has, to be on his/her shoes.

Buang jauh-jauh rasa itu. Oh hati, oh kawan. Bukankah Allah itu lebih mengetahui akan sesuatu? Kenapa jadinya kita, kenapa roh kita dipinjamkan ke jasad kita. Segala 'kenapa' itu hanya Allah ada jawapannya.

Sukar. Memang sukar. Hidup dalam belenggu 'ingin menjadi sesuatu yang bukan aku'.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Rasa itu ada kalanya mati. Mati dalam teki-teki mencari diri. Mencari pemilik hakiki. Terus berteka-teki, kerana aku sedar hidup ini cuma setitik dari hidup yang abadi. Nun di sana, Allah menanti.




| andai bahagia itu diberi kita rasa, maka hanya Allah yang tahu mengapa |

::: Hilang Datang

Manusia hilang datang
Hadir tanpa suara pergi jua tanpa ditanya
Tiba-tiba kelibat tingggal bayang
Umpama senja
Dalam ramai tak semua memandang
Cuma satu dua yang dikata pujangga

Arang tercalit di sana sini
Kata terlempar menyata yang hakiki
Apa manusia ini cuma suatu bahan bukti
Yang cuma berharga pabila segala sudah terjadi
Jadi hilang datang ke sana ke mari
Sekelumit hati tiada peduli

Hilang datang
Pagi dan petang
Hadir dan pulang
Ying dan yang
Semua ada pasang
Sudah dirancang

Seperti juga aku
Hilang datang
Di sini menghilang
Di sini mendatang
Tapi aku bukan pendatang
Ini blog aku yang punya oi Jang!

Ok aku merapu
Sekian terima kasih


| masa kamu, kan dah terbuang! heh.. |

::: First Swimming Session

Baby Ilan Nufail is swimming happily! And he is only at 2 months plus of age!

By the way, the session did not last for more than 5 minutes, kata Abang & Kakak. It was Baby Ilan's first dip anyway, in his new 1 metre plus-of-depth pool. Thus, he might not feel that secured yet, dalam pool yang full of water while his foot could not reach the ground. Brave effort, Baby Ilan! :)

However, he is looking positive and he gonna be able to swim good, at an early age. Lets hope so!

Nanti Baby Ilan Nufail dah besar, boleh pergi swimming with Kak Usu ok! Yey!


| I can swim, ALREADY! good job, Arieza. after so many self-taught swimming sessions |

::: Selamat Tinggal & Sila Sygkan Kesihatan!

Tamat sudah posting yang jauh-jauh. I was driving home on the early morning of 12th October~ Early bird! :) From Sibu to Kuching.

Oh well, hari tu aku tercampak lagi ke Sibu, untuk posting Community Medicine & Public Health. Tak lama, 8 minggu je di sini. Buat research with my other 20 colleagues, dekat Bawang Assan. 9 longhouses, 327 respondents.

Alhamdulillah. Boleh dikatakan berjaya dan boleh dibanggakan. Masuk la satu dua newspapers.

Workloads sepanjang research teramatlah bertimbun-timbum ditambah dengan endless assignments and too many visits (from food premises to sewage treatment plant!). Anyway, next week starting 19th October, segala macam jenis perang akan bermula - exam, submission of assignments, submission of final research project report and final presentation of research results. Hopefully all turns well.. Insya-Allah.. Then, it is the beginning of another postings - Ear, Nose & Throat and Ophthalmology Postings.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Now, coming to a serious issue. Issue on ignorant citizens!

This posting memang betul-betul buat aku sedar yang MASIH RAMAI lagi di kalangan rakyat Malaysia kita yang tak punya kesedaran langsung dalam hal ehwal penjagaan kesihatan. TOO MANY of us is within this UGLY group!

Kemudahan dah ada. Offer dah diberi sana sini. Tetapi banyak yang tak peduli! Even buat health promotion and health education secara percuma pun, masih terlalu ramai yang buta, tak menghargai apa itu nikmat kesihatan. Ignorant sangat!

Dah tahu diri tu ada countless risiko untuk sakit, kenapa masih lagi tak ambil peduli tentang penjagaan asas untuk mencegah penyakit tu?? Dalam bab ini, memang aku tak salahkan kerajaan ataupun mana-mana pihak lain. Tak payah nak cakap kemudahan tak cukup, staff tak cukup, itu tak cukup, ini tak cukup. Dalam situasi ni, ITU SEMUA TIPU! Semua yang asas, semuanya dah CUKUP!

Diberi depan mata pun, waima exactly DEPAN PINTU rumah pun, ada jugak yang buat-buat tak peduli. Nauzubillah.

Memang ada saki baki segelintir daripada kita yang betul-betul yakin dalam bab menjaga kesihatan. They really involved themselves in many health activities - from promotion to screening, in order to gain at least a line of take away message, at least some points of health knowledge.

Sekurang-kurangnya, learn to know some basic things of disease preventive measure. Kalau dah paling hina sangat, bila dah sakit tu bawak-bawak lah bertaubat, ubahlah cara hidup, ubahlah segala macam yang buat penyakit tu jadi teruk. Ini tak!! Lagi sakit, lagi nak blame orang, lagi malas nak menimba ilmu. Adoi..

Jangan lupa, 'KNOWLEDGE DOES LEAD TO PRACTICE'. Pabila dah ada ilmu, baru kita tau macamana nak lakukan sesuatu. Simple je concept dia. But..... haihhh. Sedihnya tengok mereka-mereka yang ignorant ni..

Inilah rakyat Malaysia. Masih terlalu ramai yang tak ambil berat tentang kesihatan. Tak mahu mencegah! Dah parah, baru nak bising pung pang pung pang cakap doktor tak pandai buat diagnosis cepat-cepat and masa menunggu terlalu panjang kat klinik atau hospital.

Dei manusia-manusia sekalian, jangan cuma menyalahkan orang lain. Ambil masa, duduk tepi dinding, fikir dalam-dalam tapi jangan sampai tertidur. Cuba pandang balik diri kita sendiri, Sebelum kita sakit, cukup YAKIN kah kita menjaga satu nikmat dari Allah ini - KESIHATAN.

Ok. Dah habis membebel. Chalo! Mau bermanja di rumah.

| jangan tak sedar diri |